Harbor Renovation Plan Approved

---------------------------- .....................Chet's Marina at Sibley Del Rey

Sibley(WDAU) – Sibley Harbor Planning Commission has approved a bid for the dredging of the St. John's basin. The $438 billion project promises to revitalize the area reminiscent of the Baltimore Harbor.

Proponent of the measure and proprietor of Chet's Marina , Chester Callis states, “ It's long overdue. For years we've had the business infrastructure in place, now all we need is the geography.”

Part of the renovation includes erecting a dam at Campbell's Ledge by the Army Corp of Engineers. When asked about the dam, Duryea officials responded, “ Oofah! Their ass is suckin' wind.”

Commission authorities admit to not having a firm funding plan in place. Anonymous sources tell us that difficult choices have to be made and that they believe taxpayers will support revenue from either a bucket drop at Moosic Rd. and Main St, or a hoagie sale.

At least one resident expressed joy at the announcement. Dennis Shrive stated, “I went up to my mudder... I told her... I went like 'dis... I said Ma!.... Mangia!”

Indeed the plan is not without opposition. Thomas Chickey has stated that the money can be better used implementing the Austin Height's Salt Flats project. That project was rejected when it was learned that along with excavation, Austin Heights would have to be flooded with brine and dried out for 30,000 years.

In related news, the Zoning Commission has approved an application to rezone the area of 100 N. Main St. as IR-4, or Indian Reservation.