We were one of the first to tour the mega-complex which began in what most people would have seen. The top floor was lines of nondescript sewing machines clacking away with bundles of fabric strewn about. Our guide then moved an old refrigerator out of the way to reveal an elevator passage. The downward trip took over 5 minutes and penetrated miles into bedrock. The temperature dropped noticeably several degrees during our descent. Below, the corridors were several stories high and were traversed with motorized 4-wheel vehicles. Security was noticeable at every turn.
Our first stop was a nanotechnology laboratory where we meet up with Dr. Rohr. He allowed us a brief interview.
U.T.R. This is a unique complex in the way it's hidden.
Dr. Rohr: Not really, the Duchess was a bio-weapons testing laboratory in WWII. Not many people knew that either.
U-T-R: Where does funding come from?
Dr. Rohr: Historically we've been funded through Cub Scout paper drives. Recently, that source has been drying up since more people are not reading print and moving to the Internet.
U-T-R: Will this place survive?
Dr. Rohr: We'll be making up the shortfall by sending the employees home with Christmas candle catalogs to show neighbors and family.
U-T-R: Dr. Rohr, what is the purpose of this facinating installation?
Dr. Rohr: Keeping the public safe is our number one goal.
U-T-R: From whom?
Dr. Rohr: Right now there are people that want to do us harm. We've had strained relations with Columbia County ever since Berwick went nuclear.
U-T-R: So you're doing nuclear research here?
Dr. Rohr: No, no, no, not at all. To combat the threat we've developed a pure defensive technology called Proton Infused Zero Z-force Accumulation. It effectively nullifies the threat by turning energy into cheap beer.
U-T-R: So you're saying that while others might have nuclear capabilities we have P.I.Z.Z.A.?
Dr. Rorh: It's quite unique to this area.
U-T-R: What other developments come from your efforts?
Dr. Rohr: Well I can't go into everything, but several common everyday items have been discovered right here.
U-T-R: Such as?
Dr: Rohr: The grommet for instance.
U-T-R: Oh. Any others?
Dr. Rohr: Several years ago a military project to develop a new laser system (oxy-lithium Emmision) lost it's funding, leaving us with 1 million barrels of lubricant. We ended up selling this “Oil of ol-E” to a cosmetic company.
Dr. Rohr: We also had to tackle the problem of waste and sewage removal from this underground facility early on. That led to some advanced matter teleportation technology like in Star Trek.
U-T-R: You mean you beam sewage out of this facility? Where does it go?
Dr. Rohr: I'm sorry. That's all the time I have. Thank you for visiting us.
We were led out blindfolded a different way than we entered. We found ourselves near a man hole cover in Peckville.
This was a fascinating view of the Rohr-Lingerie Rendham Research Complex. We hope to discover more in the months to come.
2 comments:
I remember going into the "showroom" at this facility to purchase some undergarments as a child. There were nondescript small cardboard boxes stacked up, one atop the other, from floor to ceiling, wall to wall. The lady behind the counter was unusually competent as to just what box to pull out to show me my choices...which were curiously few. I always wondered what was in those other boxes!! The military industrial complex strikes again!
hmmm...now you've got me wondering what was in the back room (and beyond) at Jimmy Rizzo's...also (coincidentally??) selling women's lingerie...
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